The Real Reasons We Avoid Conflict And Allow Disrespect
Written by Michelle Ong | February 15, 2025 | Growth, Wellness
Discover the real reasons we often condone disrespect and why we go to such lengths to avoid conflicts, even when it costs us our peace of mind.
Have you ever found yourself biting your tongue in a heated moment, convincing yourself it’s not worth speaking up, only to later feel the weight of unresolved frustration? Or perhaps you have told yourself, It’s better to avoid the conflict altogether. These situations are more common than we think. Many of us choose to endure conflict and disrespect rather than face the discomfort of addressing it directly.
But what if avoiding these situations causes more harm than good? In this post, we will explore 5 reasons why disrespect happens, why we sometimes tolerate it, and how facing conflicts can help you reclaim your peace. It’s not about picking unnecessary battles—it’s about learning to address issues in a way that protects your well-being and ensures that your feelings are acknowledged.
1. Sitting On Pins & Needles
Who enjoys the feeling of sitting on pins and needles? Conflicts often leave us feeling like we are balancing on something sharp and uncomfortable. The truth is, many of us dread the emotions that come with confrontation. Nobody likes being swept up in waves of frustration, anxiety, or even embarrassment. It’s like a storm of negativity—anger, indignation, self-doubt, worry—all colliding in our minds, leaving us drained.
Take this example: your parents criticize you, saying you are lazy and never help with chores. Even if part of what they say is true, it’s wrapped up in exaggeration or unfair assumptions. The instinct for many of us is to take it personally, feel hurt, and then avoid the person altogether to escape the sting of criticism. It’s easier to bury those feelings, pretend you are okay, and carry on.
Why? Because dealing with the issue head-on feels like opening a door to even more chaos. It requires energy—not just to confront the disrespect, but to reflect on your role in the situation too. This can amplify the negative emotions we would rather suppress, like hitting “replay” on a bad song stuck in our heads.
And let’s be honest: not everyone feels equipped to handle those emotions without spiraling into overthinking or making the situation worse. So, avoidance often feels like the path of least resistance, even if it comes at the cost of our peace.
2. Lack The Skillset
Imagine this: you walk into your room and realize your mum has taken it upon herself to “help” by cleaning your desk. She has tossed out what she saw as old junk. But to you, those items were meaningful—perhaps a handwritten note from a friend or a souvenir from a special day. You feel a wave of frustration and disrespect—why didn’t she ask first? But instead of speaking up, you smile, thank her for tidying, and choose to let it slide, not wanting to hurt her feelings.
This scenario sheds light on a common struggle many of us face: the tendency to suppress our true feelings to avoid conflict. From a young age, we are taught to “be nice,” “follow the rules,” and avoid rocking the boat. These lessons often leave us unprepared and unsure of how to navigate uncomfortable situations effectively, leaving us stuck between keeping the peace and asserting our boundaries.
When someone offends or disrespects us—whether it’s a friend making an insensitive joke, a senior coworker publicly reprimanding us, or a boss dumping last-minute work on us—we often keep our heads down and accept it, fearing confrontation might make a bad situation worse and lead to greater discomfort.
It’s like wearing a mask to fit into the mold society has created for us. We are taught that conflicts are bad and should be avoided at all costs. But the truth is, avoiding them doesn’t stop the feelings of discomfort or prevent future repeats.
If you have ever felt stuck in these situations, unsure how to respond or stand your ground, check out this post where I shared an effective strategy to help you navigate disrespect and handle such moments with grace—without letting them eat away at your peace.
3. The Need To Fit In
Let’s imagine you are in a work meeting, and every time you try to share an idea, someone cuts you off or dismisses your input like it doesn’t matter. It’s like trying to paddle upstream against a strong current—exhausting and frustrating. How do you handle it? Do you snap and let your frustration show? Sit quietly, stewing and replaying the moment later in your mind? Or do you manage to calmly address the interruptions and assert yourself?
If you are like most of us, you might lean toward staying silent, suppressing those feelings to avoid making waves. But why do we do this?
We are wired to seek approval. Deep down, we want to be liked, be seen as reasonably agreeable, and can “fit in”. The thought of being labeled confrontational or difficult feels like social or professional suicide. At work, this need to fit in is even more intense. Think about it: many tolerate a boss who schedules lunchtime meetings, piles on overtime, or asks for personal favors—all while fearing that speaking up might cost them their job.
It’s like being a tightrope walker, balancing on the thin line between keeping the peace and sacrificing your own boundaries. The fear of being labeled a “troublemaker” or “high-maintenance” holds us back, especially when it comes to authority figures or even close friends.
For instance, maybe you have a friend who drops by unannounced, expecting your time and attention, but you have never told them how it disrupts your plans. Why? Because we think avoiding the conflict is better than risking a relationship—or our reputation.
“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” — Tony Gaskins
But here’s the thing: tolerating these small (or big) disrespectful behaviors doesn’t solve the problem. It only teaches others that it’s okay to treat us that way. If this sounds familiar, check out this post where I shared practical strategies to set boundaries without unnecessary drama and reclaim your sense of self.
4. Stuck Like A Fly In The Web
Consider what it’s like to be a fly stuck in a spider’s web. You struggle and squirm, but every move makes the situation worse, tangling you further. This is how it feels when you are caught in a cycle of ongoing disrespect from people you interact with daily. Even when you have clearly stated your boundaries—telling others what you are comfortable with and what crosses the line—somehow, those boundaries keep getting ignored. You are stuck, feeling helpless and frustrated, as the disrespect continues.
Why does this happen? Often, it’s due to differences in habits, personalities, or ways of thinking. Some people have ingrained behaviors they don’t even realize are crossing your lines. Think about a partner who consistently forgets to share plans, like skipping your weekly movie night for a last-minute work event. Or a family member who keeps barging into your room without knocking, no matter how many times you’ve asked them not to. Even trivial things, like someone leaving the toilet seat down or dodging their share of chores, can feel like small slights when they keep happening.
These moments can seem minor at first, and you might convince yourself to let them slide for the sake of keeping the peace. After all, you don’t want to seem overly critical or strain the relationship over “small things.” But over time, these small compromises can add up, and ignoring them might mean sacrificing your own needs and values.
“Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.”
The question is: how long can you tolerate this before it starts to weigh on you? Learning to balance patience with assertiveness is key. Addressing these patterns early—not aggressively, but calmly and clearly—can make a big difference in protecting your peace while maintaining harmony in your relationships.
5. I Ain’t Got Time For This
Life often feels like juggling flaming torches—there’s so much to handle that adding one more challenge, like addressing disrespect, can feel impossible. When you are barely managing to keep everything in balance, it’s tempting to shrug off minor slights to conserve your energy for bigger battles.
Think of it like swatting at every mosquito versus dealing with rats in your yard. Sure, the mosquito is annoying, but the rats demands your focus because of its greater impact. Similarly, it’s wise to prioritize conflicts worth your energy—those stemming from deliberate malice or recurring disrespect that affect your well-being, relationships, or work.
For example, when someone cuts in line at the coffee shop, it’s often more productive to let it slide. On the other hand, if a colleague consistently dismisses your ideas during team meetings, it might be time to address it directly.
“Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.” — Max Lucado
Differentiating between minor irritations and significant issues is like decluttering your mental workspace—clearing out the trivial annoyances helps you focus on what truly matters in the grand scheme of your life.
By picking your battles thoughtfully, you conserve your emotional resources for situations that genuinely need attention, making it easier to maintain peace and clarity in your daily life.
Summing Up
Think of life as a chess game. Each move you make, or don’t make, has consequences. Sometimes, it’s better to defend your queen (stand up for yourself), and other times, it’s smarter to let a pawn go (let minor conflicts slide). This post isn’t about flipping the board at every disagreement or bulldozing through every conflict to avoid being disrespected. Instead, it’s about knowing when it’s worth stepping up and when it’s wiser to let things settle on their own.
Confronting every single conflict is exhausting and unproductive—like trying to swat every fly in a room instead of opening the window to let them out. On the flip side, avoiding all conflicts can make you feel like a doormat, allowing others to walk all over you.
Ultimately, life boils down to choices, and how you respond to conflict shapes the outcomes you will live with. If you are wondering how to make better decisions about when to act and when to let go, check out these posts where I share simple strategies for smarter decision-making and highlight common mistakes that lead to poor choices.
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