Meeting yourself honestly during change
Written by Michelle Ong
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
Change is uncomfortable. It shakes up what feels familiar and unsettles the stories we rely on to feel in control.
Some people move through transitions with ease. Others tense up, resist, or fall back into old emotional patterns.
Often, the difference isn’t strength or preparedness. It’s whether we’ve learned to face what’s happening internally or whether those parts are quietly steering our responses.
This is where shadow work becomes relevant.
Sections at a glance
What shadow work really points to
Shadow work doesn’t mean digging endlessly into the past or fixing yourself.
It’s a way of noticing the parts of you that learned to stay hidden: fears, insecurities, emotional reactions, and old beliefs that still surface during stress or change.
You might notice it when:
- Your reaction feels stronger than the situation
- A familiar fear shows up during a new chapter
- You’ve done “everything right,” yet still feel unsettled
Shadow work is simply the practice of turning toward those moments with honesty rather than avoidance.
Not to judge them.
Not to eliminate them.
Just to understand them.
Why change brings the shadow forward
Change has a way of exposing emotional patterns we can usually keep buried.
A new role, an ending, a loss, or a beginning often stirs questions like:
- What if I fail again?
- Who am I without this identity?
- What if I can’t handle what comes next?
When these questions stay unexamined, change feels threatening.
When they’re acknowledged, change becomes more navigable.
Facing your inner responses doesn’t remove fear but it reduces its grip. You begin responding with awareness instead of reacting from old scripts.
Over time, this builds something subtle but important: self-trust.
Beginning the work, gently
Most of us learned to suppress uncomfortable emotions because it once felt safer to do so. But unacknowledged emotions don’t disappear, they show up indirectly, often during change.
A gentler approach might look like this:
- Notice strong reactions Treat them as signals, not flaws.
- Name what’s underneath Ask yourself what feels threatened or uncertain.
- Meet it with curiosity What does this part of you need right now: reassurance, boundaries, rest?
- Allow discomfort without rushing past it Fear loses power when it’s acknowledged without judgment.
This isn’t about self-improvement. It’s about self-honesty.
Owning your shadow
Change doesn’t require you to eliminate your fears or rewrite your past.
It asks you to know yourself well enough to lead yourself through uncertainty.
When you stop avoiding your inner world, you gain clarity.
When you understand your emotional patterns, you make choices with more intention.
Facing your shadow isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about relating to yourself with more awareness and trust.
And from that place, you have more power in shaping your outer world.
Reader reflection
What emotion, fear, or old story tends to surface for you during change and what might it be asking you to notice?