Rethinking our need for more
Written by Michelle Ong
Estimated reading time: 3 minutes
We live in a culture built around more.
More success, money, experiences. More proof that we’re doing life right.
Against that backdrop, the idea that “less might be enough” can feel uncomfortable, even irresponsible.
And yet, many of us sense the tension: we keep chasing more, but the satisfaction never quite arrives.
I’ve spent years pursuing more – doing more, striving more, becoming more – only to realize that even when I reached the milestones I wanted, something still felt unsettled.
This article is a reflection on that tension, and an invitation to question what “more” is really standing in for.
Key sections at a glance
Why the pull of “more” is so strong
High standards and perfectionism
High standards aren’t the problem. The problem is when they become tightly linked to self-worth.
Perfectionism often disguises itself as ambition, but underneath it can be a fear of being ordinary, invisible, or not enough. So we keep raising the bar, hoping the next achievement will finally quiet that feeling.
Arthur Brooks writes about this in From Strength to Strength, how success itself can become addictive, even when it no longer brings fulfillment.
The work, then, isn’t about lowering standards but about loosening the grip they have on our sense of value.
Feelings of ‘not enough’
Comparison makes the desire for more feel logical.
We look around and see what others have – status, ease, confidence, recognition – and assume we’re behind. Even when things are objectively going well, it can still feel insufficient.
This scarcity mindset keeps attention fixed on what’s missing rather than what’s present.
And when satisfaction is always deferred to the next milestone, contentment never gets a chance to settle.
Pausing to ask why we want something can be revealing. Not to judge the desire, but to understand it.
Is “more” actually what we want?
There are two familiar extremes.
One says: Life is short. Chase everything. Don’t miss out.
The other says: None of it matters. Why bother wanting anything at all?
Neither feels quite right.
The middle path makes more sense: Wanting selectively, choosing intentionally and defining “enough” on your own terms.
Less isn’t about denial but about direction.
When desires align with values, they tend to feel steadier and less urgent.
Reframing “less”
“Less” doesn’t mean denying what you want or adopting extreme habits. It means avoiding excess that doesn’t add meaning.
That new purchase, title, or upgrade might offer a brief high, but it also comes with costs: attention, time, pressure, upkeep.
Philosophies like ichigo ichie remind us that each moment is already complete.
Memento mori reminds us that accumulation has limits.
Together, they point to a simple truth: presence often brings more peace than possession.
Gratitude as a stabilizer
Gratitude isn’t about forced positivity. It’s about noticing what’s already supporting you.
When attention shifts from what’s missing to what’s here, urgency softens. The mind becomes less reactive. Choices feel clearer.
This doesn’t happen automatically but requires practice; especially during stress or dissatisfaction.
But over time, gratitude acts like a ballast. It steadies the constant pull toward more.
Take a moment to reflect
The desire for more isn’t wrong. But unexamined, it can take over our lives.
Mental clarity doesn’t come from having everything: it comes from knowing what matters enough.
And sometimes, that begins by asking fewer questions about how to get more, and better questions about what’s already sufficient.
Reader reflection
Where in your life do you feel the pull of “more” and what might change if you paused to define what enough looks like for you?