Unlearning the rules I thought I had to live by

Written by Michelle Ong

Estimated reading time: 4 minutes

For most of my life, I tried to live exactly the way I was “supposed to.”

Study hard. Get good results. Build a stable career. Make sensible choices.

I believed that if I followed the rules closely enough, life would eventually feel settled.

But something in me kept resisting. A quiet pull to choose differently. To slow down. To question paths that looked good on paper but felt wrong inside.

Trying to live by the rules didn’t break me. But it did show me which rules were never mine to begin with.

These are some of the lessons I’m still learning.

Results don’t define my worth

Growing up, I learned to tie my sense of worth to outcomes.

Grades. Performance. Approval.

That mindset didn’t disappear with age. It simply evolved into comparisons, KPIs, and quiet self-judgment.

Over time, I realised how exhausting it was to live this way.

What I’m learning now is simpler:

My worth isn’t something I earn
Doing my best matters more than proving myself
Letting go of perfection creates space to breathe

When I loosen my grip on outcomes, life feels lighter.

Freedom comes from owning my choices

For years, I followed the rule of choosing the “practical” path.

Even when something else called to me, I stayed sensible. Safe. Reasonable.

Eventually, I learned that freedom doesn’t come from escaping your life.

It comes from owning it.

From being honest about:

What you want
What no longer fits
Where you’re avoiding discomfort

Stability can be comforting.

But when it costs you authenticity, it slowly becomes a cage.

A slower path doesn’t mean I’m behind

I’ve changed career paths more than once; not out of restlessness, but in search of alignment.

That choice came with trade-offs. Slower progression. Wider gaps compared to peers.

For a long time, I questioned myself.

Now, I’m learning to see things differently:

A slower path isn’t a wrong one
Timelines aren’t universal
Progress doesn’t always look impressive from the outside but it feels right in your heart

Some growth happens quietly. And that doesn’t make it less real.

Creativity isn’t optional

I used to protect my creative side through small, personal projects.

When work got demanding, creativity was the first thing I sacrificed.

That loss was subtle, but I felt it.

What I’ve learned:

Creativity is part of how I stay connected to myself
Making space for joy isn’t indulgent, it’s grounding
Even small moments of expression help me feel whole

A life built only on productivity eventually feels hollow.

Singlehood isn’t personal failure

I followed the rule that a complete life must include certain milestones by certain ages.

When that didn’t happen, I internalized it as something being wrong with me.

Over time, I’ve learned to question that story.

Now I remind myself:

Being single doesn’t mean I’m behind
A relationship isn’t proof of worth
Settling out of fear creates deeper unhappiness

A meaningful relationship should add to life, not fix a narrative built on comparison.

Growth takes time, and that’s okay

I still compare.

I still worry about timing.

I still catch myself slipping into old patterns.

But I’m learning that:

Growth isn’t linear
Awareness itself is progress
I can be unfinished and still be enough

Some doors have opened. Others haven’t.

And I’m learning that not every door needs to.

Maybe the goal isn’t to walk the perfect path, but to walk a path that finally feels like mine.

Reader Reflection

What’s one “rule” you followed that you’re now starting to rethink?

If you’d like to go deeper

The Personal Clarity Workbook helps you pause and regain basic clarity.

→ Learn more here.