The Paradox Of More: Do We Really Want More
Written by Michelle Ong | September 21, 2024 | Growth, Wellness
Discover why we often crave more and whether having more is truly the answer to our desires.
In a world obsessed with “more”—more money, stuff, and friends—the idea of “less is more” can seem odd. We’re constantly bombarded with ads and comparisons, chasing after things we don’t really need. This mindset creates clutter—physical, mental, and emotional—that affects how we feel and act, often leading to stress and dissatisfaction.
You probably know deep down that getting more stuff doesn’t lead to happiness and can actually leave us feeling unfulfilled, yet still struggle to stop yourself from chasing after more.
Like many, I’ve spent a lot of time chasing more—doing more, achieving more, being more—yet I didn’t feel the satisfaction I expected, even when I got what I thought I wanted. This post explores the “more” mindset and serves as a reminder to myself, and I hope it inspires you to pause and reflect on what truly matters.
Why We Want More
High Standards & Perfectionism
Having high expectations of ourselves and others, along with perfectionism, often fuels the pursuit for more. It’s not the expectations themselves that are the problem, but the excessive attachment to outcomes and unrealistic standards. This makes it hard to appreciate what we already have, as we focus on what’s missing.
We often set high standards because we crave recognition and want to impress others. This is largely driven by a fear of failure and the need to avoid feeling or being seen as a nobody, or worse, a loser. So we strive to project an image of success—even if it comes at the expense of our own happiness. In From Strength to Strength, Arthur Brooks explains how this pursuit of success can become an addiction, one we recognize but struggle to quit.
However, this doesn’t mean lowering your standards or accepting poor treatment. It’s about being reasonable, learning to be content with “enough,” and finding balance between striving for better and appreciating the present.
Feelings Of ‘Not-Enough’
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Many of us feel like we never have enough – we see what others have and wish we had it too. More money, more possessions, more recognition, more success. More, more, more. This feeling comes from something called a scarcity mindset, where we are always focused on what we don’t have instead of what we have. What we have is never good enough.
This mindset is often reinforced by comparing ourselves to peers, absorbing feedback from those around us, and experiencing imposter syndrome—a feeling that drives us to want more, even when we are already achieving great things.
Many believe having more leads to happiness, looking outward for satisfaction. But true happiness comes from within. Take some time to think about why you want the things you do. Will having them really make you happier? Sometimes, we chase after things that won’t actually bring us joy.
So, ask yourself some tough questions and be honest with your answers. Once you realize that the scarcity mindset doesn’t lead to true happiness, you can start focusing on the things that really matter.
Is ‘More’ What You Really Want
The question of whether “more” is truly what we want in life brings two contrasting perspectives. One side argues that we should chase more because life is short, and we don’t want to regret missing out on opportunities. They believe striving for more ensures we live fully. On the other hand, some argue that constantly chasing shiny things is pointless since we can’t take them with us when we die, so it’s better to accept life as it comes without stressing over acquiring more.
The truth likely lies in the middle. Instead of endlessly chasing “more,” we should evaluate what’s truly worth pursuing based on our personal dreams and aspirations, not external pressures. Less can often be more. By focusing on what genuinely matters, we can find fulfillment in simpler things rather than accumulating more without purpose. Define what “enough” means to you, and strive for goals that align with your values, rather than pursuing more of everything.
Check out this post on ikigai for ideas on how to define yours, if you haven’t yet.
Less Is More
“Less” doesn’t mean denying yourself or adopting extreme habits to punish your desires. It’s about avoiding excess—letting go of the pursuit of things you don’t truly need. Sure, buying that fancy car or bag might give you a temporary thrill, but what does it cost you in the long run? Will it truly bring lasting fulfillment or align with your life’s purpose? Less simply means having enough—the basics that bring you peace and contentment without wasting your energy on unnecessary pursuits.
Many of us have been conditioned to chase after the idea of a “perfect” life. We believe that once we achieve certain things or reach specific goals, we’ll finally be content. But life isn’t about reaching some perfect destination. It’s lived in the present. The Zen principle ichigo ichie reminds us to cherish each moment because it’s unique and will never happen again.
Similarly, the Stoic philosophy memento mori encourages us to live with the perspective that we only have this one life, and in the end, we can’t take anything with us. So, it’s better not to be consumed by wanting more. Remember, true wealth lies in being content with what you already have.
Gratitude Is The Antidote
“Expect nothing, appreciate everything.”
Some people get so caught up in chasing more that they don’t even realize the harm it’s causing, while others know they’re trapped but keep going because they can’t imagine living any other way or feel pressured to want what everyone else wants.
The solution is simple: embrace gratitude. That will simplify your life and enable you to understand that less is indeed more. Appreciating what you have makes everything seem brighter and enhances your brain’s clarity and problem-solving skills. It sounds simple, but when faced with problems and frustrations, summoning gratitude is challenging. It takes practice to make it a habit.
Taking a moment each day to reflect on what you’re thankful for, like a warm coffee or a chat with a friend, helps you stay balanced and curbs the urge for more. Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s missing to what’s present, making you more content and reducing the constant thirst for excess.
You may want to check out these related articles for ideas on cultivating contentment and gratitude in your life.
Take A Moment To Reflect
“Managing the desire for more is an ongoing process that requires self-reflection, self-compassion, and conscious choices.”
In the pursuit of more, it’s easy to get caught in the rat race, chasing after things we believe will bring happiness. But deep down, do we really want more, or are we seeking contentment?
The key lies in being mindful of what truly matters and appreciating what we already have. If we constantly chase without pause, we risk wasting precious time only to look back with regret. So, before pursuing more, take a moment to reflect, realign with your true values, and embrace the contentment that comes from within. Also, do check out this related post on Zen principles to boost mindfulness and self-care.
I hope you found this article helpful! Feel free to pin and share it with your family and friends so they can benefit from it too.
Want tips to declutter and simplify your life? Check out these posts on whether a simple life is realistic and what to eliminate to simplify life.
