The Paradox Of Choice: How Having Choices Stresses Us Out
Written by Michelle Ong | December 15, 2024 | Growth
Who doesn’t like having choices? Whether it’s picking from different ice cream flavors, choosing between car brands, or deciding what outfit to wear. But all these little decisions we make every day actually add up, exhausting our energy and time. In this post, we dive into why having too many options might not be as great as it seems and how it can even lead to stress.
Having the freedom to choose has become a basic right in today’s world, and we are often told that more options are better. And, of course, no one wants to feel forced into a decision.
But too many choices can actually have a downside. Studies show that when we’re faced with an overwhelming number of options, we often end up less happy and more stressed.
“Choice is a luxury when you know what you want. But when you don’t, it can be a curse.”
Think about it—have you ever spent ages in a grocery store aisle, staring at all the pasta sauce brands, only to feel drained and second-guess your final choice?
This is a common example of decision paralysis, where too many options make it hard to decide at all. Instead of feeling empowered, we might feel anxious or worry about what we are missing out on.
This post explores how too many choices can add stress to our lives and why having some limits can actually bring more peace.
Our Biological System
Let’s take a moment to understand how our brain works in situations when we are faced with too many options.
Daniel Kahneman, in his book Thinking, Fast and Slow, explains that our brains are wired with two systems: a fast, instinctive system and a slower, more rational one.
Imagine you are at a café with a long list of drink options. At first, your brain’s fast, impulsive system might quickly lean toward something simple and familiar, like a latte—no fuss, just get the drink!
But if you have more time, the second, more deliberate part of your mind kicks in and starts weighing the options. You might think, “Should I try that new seasonal flavor? What if I don’t like it? Should I just stick with my favorite?”
The longer we spend in this rational mode, the more overwhelmed we can feel. Suddenly, a simple drink order turns into a mental marathon of “what ifs.” This is what people often call analysis paralysis: the point where overthinking keeps us from making any decision at all.
And while this example seems small, the same pattern plays out in bigger choices too, creating stress when we are overloaded with options.
If you are finding it tough to manage stress, take a look at this post for some practical tips on how to cope better.
Beyond Skin Deep
Sometimes, having fewer options is a gift because it forces you to focus on what truly matters.”
Our brains really aren’t wired for complexity, which is why having too many choices can make even small decisions feel like a mountain to climb.
Think about a time when you were scrolling through streaming options, endlessly browsing movies but unable to pick one. After a while, it’s normal to feel frustrated or tired.
Our brains crave simplicity, and when faced with loads of choices, we can easily get overwhelmed or end up with a headache from going back and forth between different options, imagining different scenarios, and second-guessing every choice.
Interestingly, studies show that our brains actually do best with about three to five choices. Beyond that, things get tricky, and each additional option just scatters our attention, taking more time to process and making it harder to see clear connections between pieces of information.
This mental juggling act quickly drains our energy and leaves us feeling fatigued. When that happens, it’s natural to want to just “give up” and go for the easiest or most familiar option, even if it’s not necessarily the best one.
Another quirk of our brains is how easily we are swayed by presentation.
For example, if you are in a store and see two snack options, one with sleek, attractive packaging and another with plain, dull wrapping, your brain might favor the better-packaged one—even if it’s not necessarily tastier. Now, you’re stuck wondering: Do I go with the snack that looks better, or is taste more important? This simple decision suddenly feels like extra mental work, as you try to figure out what matters more to you: looks or flavor.
Our brains also struggle with seeing long-term benefits over short-term gains. Imagine choosing between a quick-fix diet that promises instant weight loss versus a steady, sustainable plan that takes much longer. That quick-fix option is often more tempting because our brains love immediate rewards.
Moreover, weighing the long-term benefits over the short-term payoff takes more effort and can be stressful. When the stress reaches a certain point, it’s easy to go with the immediate “win” rather than the option that would benefit us in the long run.
All of these is why simplifying choices and being aware of how we are influenced can help us avoid decision fatigue and make choices that genuinely serve us.
Chasing After Potential
“The paradox of choice is that we become paralyzed by too many options, and it leaves us feeling less satisfied, not more.”
When we are given lots of options, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the next choice could be the perfect one, that the next job opportunity could finally make us happy, or that the next person we swipe on a dating app will be “the one.” This creates an illusion that we are just one step away from a complete turnaround, a perfect outcome, or an ideal relationship.
Take a project at work, for instance—you might feel that if you try one more approach, you will finally find the “perfect” solution. But this mindset can raise our expectations to unrealistic heights, leaving us constantly searching for “something better” and never fully satisfied with what we already have.
This “next one will be better” mentality often leads us to compare everything, not just with our own past choices but with the choices others are making. It can push us into an endless cycle of wanting more, where we start to lose sight of what’s truly “enough” for us personally.
For example, you might have landed a great job, but if you are scrolling LinkedIn and constantly seeing posts about people with impressive titles or benefits, you may start feeling like your job isn’t enough, even though it might actually meet all your needs.
This illusion of endless potential is partly due to a psychological phenomenon called the anchoring effect. Our brains are wired to compare choices against a reference point, or “anchor.” When we are faced with multiple options, we tend to use the least attractive option as a baseline, or anchor, and compare all the others to it.
Imagine browsing a menu at a restaurant—seeing one expensive dish might make the next most expensive option feel like a “deal” in comparison, even if it’s still pretty pricey. This can lead us to make choices based on comparisons rather than what we actually want.
I have explored this concept of knowing what “enough” is and the power of simplifying in another post—where less often really is more.
When we rely less on comparison and more on our own values, we are more likely to find genuine contentment in what we have instead of constantly chasing after the “next best thing.”
Fear Is Formidable
“The more choices we have, the more we fear making the wrong one.” – Barry Schwartz
Fear is one of the biggest factors shaping our choices, and ironically, it can become even stronger when we have more options. The more we have to choose from, the more we fear losing out on something good. This is partly due to a natural bias toward avoiding loss, known as “loss aversion.”
Research shows that the pain of a loss feels much worse than the joy of an equivalent gain. Imagine losing $100—it can feel more painful than the thrill of gaining $1,000. Hence, we are often more inclined to pick options with the least perceived risk, even if that means passing up a riskier choice that could bring us more rewards.
Take, for instance, deciding between two job offers. One has a steady salary and security, while the other has a higher earning potential but also more uncertainty. Fear of losing stability might lead us to choose the safer option, even if the other job could be more rewarding in the long run.
Another powerful fear that pops up with too many choices is the “fear of missing out” (FOMO). This only really happens when we have options that all look appealing.
For example, scrolling through an online shopping site, you might see two outfits you love, and suddenly, you worry about leaving one behind. This can cause regret and make us think, “If only I had chosen the other one!”
These “if only” thoughts can lead to a cascade of endless comparisons, feeding anxiety and even a bit of greed, as we feel we need to have the “best” or risk missing out.
Another outcome of fear is when we end up choosing nothing at all. In his book The Paradox of Choice, psychologist Barry Schwartz explains that having too many options often makes us feel pressured to make the perfect choice and afraid of making the wrong one. When we’re stuck in this loop, avoiding a decision can feel safer than risking a “bad” choice.
Ever spent ages scrolling through movie options only to end up watching nothing? That’s decision paralysis in action! Too many options can leave us feeling stuck, stressed, and less satisfied with whatever we eventually pick.
What Is The ‘Right’ Choice?
This brings us to the question: what is the “right” choice?
Our brains are wired for black-and-white thinking, naturally preferring simple answers and familiar patterns. When faced with new options, our brain compares them to what it already knows—using associations with past experiences and aligning choices with core beliefs and values. This is why we often lean toward what feels familiar.
It’s also why familiar habits, even the not-so-great ones, are so hard to break. Our brain labels choices as “right” or “wrong” based on past experiences and stored memories, which can lead us to repeat certain patterns without realizing it.
This default tendency also explains why new things can feel intimidating. Imagine someone who’s used to a specific way of doing things, like a strict routine, meeting someone with a very different lifestyle. Or think of someone who’s been on one career path for years but is suddenly considering a switch.
These situations bring up the new and unknown, and our brain’s first response is often resistance—because familiarity feels safer.
Now, add to this the fear of regret.
Our world is filled with marketing messages that tell us not to miss out. Think about it: “Limited time only!” “Get it before it’s gone!”
These messages work because they tap into our aversion to regret. We buy something because we don’t want to regret not having it later, even if we’re unsure if we really need it.
This “get it now, think later” mindset leads to clutter and stress in our lives, with more choices that often don’t add much value.
“It is not the lack of choice that is the problem, but the lack of clarity about what you truly desire.”
When faced with making the “right” choice, it’s helpful to step back and ask, “Is this aligned with what truly matters to me, or is it just a fear of missing out?”
By slowing down and getting clear on our values and needs, we can make choices that genuinely serve us—without the overwhelm.
Still, It’s Good To Have Options
After going through how having choices can stress us out, don’t get me wrong—this doesn’t mean that not having options is better! Our brains may struggle with too many choices, but having no choice at all isn’t ideal either.
Think about a time when you felt stuck in a situation without any alternatives, like being in a job that drained you, or staying in a place where you didn’t feel comfortable. It’s easy to see how having no choice can feel limiting and frustrating.
Freedom of choice is a powerful right. Having options can actually give us a sense of security because if the first choice doesn’t work out, there’s still a plan B, C, or even D.
Having options is like having a safety net—you’re not stuck in a “do-or-die” situation where you have to get it right on the first try because it’s your only chance. Knowing you have room to fail or make mistakes takes the pressure off, making the decision feel less intense and reducing the stress of picking the “right” choice.
Think about choosing a restaurant for dinner. If there’s only one place open, you are pretty much forced to go there, even if you may not thrilled about it. But if you have a few options, you can try one, see if the food fits your palate, and keep another in mind if it doesn’t hit the spot.
This flexibility—the chance to experiment and not worry too much if it doesn’t work out—makes having choices feel like a real advantage.
Final Thoughts
“Freedom is not about having choices. It’s about knowing what to choose.”
Whether having choices is good or bad for you really depends on how you handle them. If you have got a solid, methodical approach to making decisions, having multiple options can be empowering. You can weigh them confidently without getting overwhelmed.
But if you are easily swayed by outside influences or feel unsure of your own beliefs, too many choices can actually be a problem. It’s easy to feel lost and stuck in indecision, second-guessing every option.
In conclusion, learning how to handle multiple options without feeling overwhelmed is key. Finding ways to simplify decisions and focus on what really matters can make having options feel freeing instead of stressful.
If you would like some guidance on the common traps to avoid when making choices, and want to learn ways to make smarter decisions, check out the related posts!
I hope you found this article helpful! Pin and share it with your family and friends so they can benefit from it too.
