Life-Changing Habits | Powerful Lessons That Transformed My Life
Written by Michelle Ong | April 6, 2024 | Growth
Discover the life-changing habits that fuel my confidence and self-improvement engine, helping me get my life organized, balanced, and ultimately transformed.
In this post, I share insights that have truly transformed my life. They might seem simple, but figuring out what I was doing wrong was no easy task. Without mentors, I had to dig deep and find these game-changing insights on my own.
These aren’t just small tweaks; they’ve caused major shifts in my perspective, replacing old beliefs with new, positive ones. I’ve boiled it down to the top seven lessons that had the biggest impact on my productivity, well-being, and satisfaction.
I’m sharing them with you because if they made such a difference for me, they might do the same for you. Plus, there’s a special bonus lesson at the end you won’t want to miss. Let’s dive in and brighten your journey!
1. Amor Fati
Have you ever felt like you were falling short in every way, while everyone else appeared to have their lives figured out and their goals achieved? That was how my past self was, always comparing myself to societal norms and feeling constantly discontented with my life.
“If you are pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you, but your own judgment about it. And it is in your power to wipe out this judgment now.”
Marcus Aurelius
I stumbled through the darkness, blaming others for not appreciating my worth and cursing my bad luck. It took a while, but I eventually realized that wallowing in self-pity wouldn’t change my circumstances one bit. Awakening from my despair, I understood that true transformation required a shift in my way of thinking. I knew this wouldn’t happen overnight. It would take time, patience, and a whole lot of effort, but I was ready to embrace the journey.
The first step? Accepting fate—amor fati, as they say.
“Fret not thyself that the road is rough; it leads somewhere, amidst the dark and silent earth, there is a goal.”
Marcus Aurelius
This quote reflects the Stoic idea of ‘amor fati,’ which means accepting and trusting in fate. It sees challenges as chances to grow and learn, and it encourages finding meaning in all life experiences, whether they’re good or bad.
It is not about giving up but about recognizing that our individual circumstances and choices shape our journey. Life doesn’t follow a set timeline. Everyone’s path is unique, and that’s perfectly fine. So it’s important not to compare ourselves to others or give in to societal expectations.
Accepting fate means not stressing over small things. Take your responsibilities seriously but not yourself. It’s okay not to know everything and be open to learning from others. Embrace life’s changes and challenges instead of resisting them. When facing adversity, don’t blame fate. Instead, go with the flow. You’ll find unexpected opportunities for growth and learning. And isn’t that what life’s all about?
2. Planning
Are you someone who always leave things to the last minute, banking on luck to save the day? I used to be guilty of procrastination too. Sure, I’d try to plan, but my methods lacked structure, leading to less-than-stellar productivity. And the anxiety, fear, and self-doubt that came with it were no picnic.
I’ve learned that advance planning is key. Especially for tasks that are predictable or recurring. Planning ahead not only helps you stay prepared but also allows you to anticipate and sidestep potential obstacles. It smooths out your path forward, making life’s twists and turns a little easier to navigate. And builds discipline and organizational skills.
Even for tasks you’re tackling for the first time, planning provides a roadmap and helps you manage uncertainties better. And perhaps most importantly, it keeps you cool under pressure. Having a plan makes you more relaxed even when faced with unexpected challenges, allowing you to make decisions calmly. So, do yourself a favor and give planning a shot. Your future self will thank you for it.
3. Solitude
I used to avoid solitude like the plague, seeking validation from others. Growing up, I relied on external sources for guidance and support, feeling insecure and anxious when alone. And I greatly admired peers who seemed so confident and self-assured. A school incident left me feeling devastated and resentful, further eroding my confidence. Briefly, it involved rearranging seats, and I ended up the odd one out, alone while everyone else had a partner. I tried harder to please others in hopes to become more well-liked, but it only left me feeling drained and even more miserable.
But a pivotal realization changed everything—I discovered that my happiness depended on self-validation, not external approval. This shift in perspective empowered me to prioritize my needs and find fulfillment from within.
“The happiness of those who want to be popular depends on others; the happiness of those who seek pleasure fluctuates with moods outside their control; but the happiness of the wise grows out of their own free acts.”
Epictetus
Embracing solitude is vital for personal growth and well-being. It offers space for introspection, spiritual growth, and creativity, fostering self-awareness and resilience. Prioritizing ‘me time‘ enables self-discovery and independence, steering the journey towards continuous self-improvement.
Instead of fearing solitude, see it as an opportunity to be the master of your own time and priorities. You avoid the pitfalls of depending on unhealthy relationships for companionship. Constantly seeking external stimulation can hinder personal growth and lead to insecurity and anxiety when alone. While social connections are valuable, finding balance and embracing solitude fosters inner strength and fulfillment. Remember, you came into this world alone, and embracing solitude allows you to leave it on your own terms too.
5. Boundaries
I used to bend over backwards pleasing others when I was younger. Saying no felt like I was letting people down, so I’d say yes, even when I didn’t have the energy or time. But I ended up feeling drained, resentful, and unappreciated. So, I decided one day that enough was enough and started setting boundaries. Saying no was tough at first. Some people didn’t like it and made sure I knew. But I had to remind myself that my well-being mattered most.
Slowly but surely, standing my ground helped me feel stronger, more confident. Not only did it help me gain control over my time and energy, but it also showed others to treat me with respect. Setting boundaries meant saying yes to myself, and it changed everything.
Setting boundaries is crucial for personal growth and identity. If you’re always trying to please others, they’ll walk all over you. It’s essential to know when to walk away from people, objects, or situations that don’t serve you. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.
It can be challenging to say no or walk away, especially in toxic relationships due to uncertainty and guilt-tripping. Attachment issues and desires often hold us back. But the willingness to walk away strengthens your position and demonstrates self-respect. Recognize when it’s time to prioritize your well-being by performing a cost-benefit analysis. Be aware of the sunk cost fallacy and opportunity cost.
Avoid falling into the trap of seeking external validation by bending over backwards to please others and trying to change others. The people who ask the most from you often do the least for you. No one will watch out for you like you will. True happiness comes from within, and sometimes letting go is the best path to freedom.
6. Be Kind
I used to struggle under the weight of unrealistic expectations, striving for perfection and constantly battling self-doubt. Te pressure chipped away at my self-confidence and created an inferiority complex. I felt like I could never be myself. It drained the joy from life until I reached a breaking point.
I realized the need to redefine what’s reasonable and set more achievable goals. Learning to detach from self-blame and be kinder to myself became crucial. After all, I’m all I’ve got in this life. Why make life harder than it needs to be? Rewiring my mindset was essential for my well-being.
I also realized that I’d been holding others to unrealistic standards, assuming the worst and withholding encouragement or appreciation. Cultural norms may have played a role, but it strained my relationships. But recognizing all these taught me the importance of being kind to myself and others, and how liberating it is to let go of unrealistic expectations.
a. Be Kind To Yourself
One key lesson from my personal growth journey: kindness to oneself is paramount. Allowing myself to feel emotions without judgment or suppression is vital. Holding onto emotions only leads to a buildup that can explode at the worst possible moment. I’ve learned to create a safe space for my feelings and express them in healthy ways.
It’s not always easy. Especially for high achievers, setting unrealistic expectations can feel like second nature. We push ourselves relentlessly, losing sight of long-term goals for short-term gains, draining our energy on things that ultimately don’t matter. It’s not easy to break free from this cycle, but it’s crucial for our well-being. I still struggle with it, but I’m learning to be kinder to myself and let go of unnecessary pressure.
b. Be Kind To Others
Personal growth means extending kindness to others: expressing gratitude, giving compliments, and showing up for loved ones. Don’t wait until it’s too late to appreciate them, as regret is a heavy burden to bear. And accept people for who they are, not based on their potential or our expectations of how they should be. Despite challenges, choose kindness and prioritize what truly matters, knowing that kindness begets kindness.
Kindness has the immense power to melt barriers, heal wounds, mend broken spirits, and transform ordinary moments into extraordinary ones. Embrace it as a way of life and witness its transformative impact on the world and yourself.
7. Patience
Ever feel the urge to rush through tasks, especially when under pressure? It’s a common experience in today’s fast-paced world. But knowing when to slow down and practice patience can spare you many headaches and avoidable problems.
Patience isn’t just about waiting around idly; it’s about pausing before reacting or making decisions. It’s about keeping your emotions in check and avoiding impulsive actions. I’ve learned the hard way that rushing leads to regret. As the saying goes, “Don’t make permanent decisions on temporary emotions.” Instead, cultivate patience to wait until you’ve calmed down and have a clearer state of mind to think things through.
In a world that values speed and efficiency, patience may seem counterintuitive. People want things instantly, and anything less can lead to complaints and dissatisfaction. Those who take their time may be perceived as inefficient. But accuracy and effectiveness should never be sacrificed for the sake of speed. Think of skilled technical work—it requires patience for precision. Patience is the art of trusting the process, recognizing that progress, no matter how small, leads to transformative results.
“Learn to enjoy the journey. Learn to enjoy the things you are doing.”
Being fast certainly has its perks. But it’s not the only measure of success. Everyone has their own pace and learning curve. So, when you find yourself struggling to keep up or feeling frustrated because you’re not mastering something as quickly as you’d like, take a deep breath. Understand that it’s okay to have limitations and that acquiring new skills or understanding takes time. Wisdom, for example, grows with experience. You might not be able to have everything you desire at the snap of your fingers but with patience, dedication, and persistence, you can achieve them in due time. After all, good things come to those who wait—and work for it.
8. Journal
Incorporating journaling into my daily routine has been truly life-changing. Writing things down helps me process and assimilate my thoughts and emotions, paving the way for positive change. Journaling is not just about writing words; it’s about rewriting my story, redefining the present and creating a life filled with positivity and growth.
It’s fantastic for keeping my day organized and tracking the progress of tasks I’ve set out to accomplish. Journaling has become a cornerstone of my productivity system and life planning. It unveiled my path to self-discovery, leading to a more structured and fulfilling life. From establishing rituals to pursuing hobbies, journaling has enriched my well-being. It’s amazing how something as simple as putting pen to paper can have such a profound impact.
Bonus Lesson
Life can often feel like a game, with each of us striving to excel in different areas. Think of it like filling up buckets—health, relationships, personal development, career, finance, and leisure. But here’s the thing: focusing on just one while neglecting the others might not lead to true fulfillment. After all, what good is wealth if your health isn’t up to par? That’s why finding balance across all these buckets is key to overall well-being and happiness. Let me break down the mindset and strategies for each bucket:
Let’s start with the health bucket. It’s all about valuing your physical and mental well-being. That means eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and managing stress effectively. When you prioritize your health, you set yourself up for greater happiness and productivity.
Now, onto relationships. These are the bonds we form with family, friends, and romantic partners. They’re built on mutual respect, trust, and support. So, make time for meaningful connections, communicate openly, and put effort into nurturing these relationships. They’re the bedrock of a fulfilling life.
Next up is personal development. This is about embracing growth and seeing challenges as opportunities to learn and grow. Set goals, step out of your comfort zone, and reflect on your journey regularly. It’s all about becoming the best version of yourself.
When it comes to your career, aim for work that aligns with your values and passions. Set clear goals, continuously develop and upgrade your skills, and keep an eye out for opportunities to advance.
Financial stability is crucial for peace of mind. Practice responsible money management by budgeting, investing wisely, and minimizing debt. The more you educate yourself about personal finance, the better equipped you’ll be to secure your financial future.
Lastly, don’t forget about leisure. It’s not just about rest and relaxation; it’s about enjoying life outside of work and responsibilities. Make time for hobbies, travel, and anything else that brings you joy and rejuvenation. Self-care is critical for mental and emotional well-being.
By paying attention to each of these buckets and filling them up with care, you can achieve a more balanced and fulfilling life. It’s not about perfection, but about progress and finding harmony in all aspects of your life.
The Time Is Now
Through the ups and downs of my journey, I’ve managed to cultivate some pretty solid habits. These little nuggets of wisdom have helped me carve out a sense of independence in my personal life. They’ve made me more self-sufficient, more content with where I am. But it wasn’t always smooth sailing. Recognizing where I was going wrong, shedding those erroneous beliefs—well, that was a journey in itself. And it wasn’t a walk in the park.
If my sharing resonates with you—if you find yourself nodding along, recognizing some of those same vices in your own life—then now’s the time to make a change. It might seem daunting to step off the beaten path, but it’s worth it.
So, if you’re feeling stuck in a rut, if you’re yearning for something more, don’t wait. Start now. Take those first steps towards a brighter, happier future. You’ve got this. And hey, who knows? Maybe one day, you’ll look back on this moment as the beginning of your own incredible journey.
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