Small Mental Shifts That Improved My Life | My 12 Rules For Life
Written by Michelle Ong | May 26, 2024 | Growth, Wellness
From my journey through life, I’ve gathered 12 lessons that might seem small but have made a huge difference in how I handle life’s ups and downs. These life-changing mindset shifts have really empowered me, helping me face challenges with more confidence and resilience.
Life is like a big puzzle. It’s full of ups and downs, twists and turns. When we were kids, we learned all sorts of ideas that shaped how we see the world. Some of these ideas stuck with us, while others faded away over time. As we grew up and experienced more of life, our beliefs evolved and changed.
But sometimes, we find ourselves stuck in patterns that don’t serve us well. We feel dissatisfied with ourselves and with life in general. We want to change, but it’s not easy. Figuring out what needs to change, actually making those changes, and sticking to them can be tough. It’s like trying to untangle a big knot.
I’ve been there myself. I’ve procrastinated, and I’ve faced resistance, mostly from myself. It’s hard to break free from old habits, even when we know they’re not good for us.
But I’ve also learned that change is possible. It starts with small shifts in our thinking, tiny adjustments that can make a big difference over time. Inspired partly by Jordan Peterson’s book on the 12 rules for life, I’ve developed my own set of 12 mental shifts that have helped me improve my life.
In this post, I’ll share the struggles I faced and how these mental shifts helped me overcome them. They’re not magic bullets, but they’re powerful tools for personal growth and transformation. And if they can help me, maybe they can help you too.
Rule #1. Be Your Own Best Friend
“Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love.”
Brené Brown
One big change I made was to take time for myself. I realized how important it is to really understand who I am and to be kind to myself. It’s like being your own best buddy, cheering yourself on to do your best.
To connect with myself, I started meditating and writing in a journal. These simple practices help me tune in to my thoughts and feelings about what’s happening in my life. It’s like sorting through all the stuff in my head and figuring out what’s important.
Writing in my journal and meditating have become part of my daily routine. They help me stay focused and calm, even when life gets hectic. Taking this time for myself has made a big difference. It’s like giving my brain a helping hand to organize and order my chaotic thoughts. And it has helped me feel happier and more balanced overall.
Curious about the benefits of journaling? Check out my post on lessons learned from journaling daily to see how this simple habit can transform your life!
Rule #2. Focus On Things That Matter
“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.”
Marcus Aurelius
Growing up, I wasn’t the most optimistic person. My upbringing taught me to focus on the negative and to strive for high standards, just like many others in Chinese culture. Stress and anxiety were constant companions, especially when I felt like I wasn’t measuring up to expectations.
I felt the pressure to chase after material possessions, job status, and financial success, comparing myself to others and feeling anxious when I fell short. This led to years of feeling depressed, even though I tried to hide it and pretend everything was okay.
It took many years of struggle and self-doubt before I started questioning whether chasing all these things was really worthwhile. Did they truly bring me happiness? That’s when I turned to self-help books for guidance.
I learned that I needed to shift my mindset, focusing intentionally on what truly mattered and letting go of what I couldn’t change. Instead of dwelling on problems, I started looking for solutions. I realized that focusing only on the bad made it hard to see the good in life.
I also began practicing gratitude, even when things weren’t going well. Daily gratitude exercises helped me see the positive things in my life and appreciate the kindness of others.
I learned to let go of the past and draw lessons from it instead. This helped me respond better to challenges in the future and build stronger relationships.
By focusing on what truly mattered—my responsibilities, relationships, and goals—I was able to declutter my mind and find more meaning in my life. It’s an ongoing journey, but each step forward brings me closer to a happier, more fulfilling life.
Rule #3. Your Job Does Not Define Your Worth
“Your worth is not determined by your job, but by the impact you make in the lives of others.”
I used to be really focused on myself and my career. I thought that dedicating myself to my job was the most important thing in life. But my career journey wasn’t smooth sailing. I had bosses who only cared about themselves and didn’t give me a fair chance. They made me feel small and unhappy.
I thought that my job was my everything. Failing at work felt like failing at life. It took me a long time to realize that my job wasn’t who I was. My identity isn’t defined by what I do for work.
I learned that I’m more than just my job. My character, values, and how I help others are what really matter. So even if I have a job I don’t like, it doesn’t mean I’m a failure. It’s just a job—I’m still me, doing the best I can in the world.
Rule #4. Prioritize Things That Bring Joy
“Do more of what makes you happy.”
Many people say that true happiness comes from experiences, connections, and making a difference, not just from having lots of money or stuff. There are even rich folks who seem to have it all but still feel really sad or even think about ending their own lives.
I used to think my job was the most important thing, and I didn’t really pay attention to anything else, especially my relationships with people. I figured I could always work on those later when I get more settled in life. But I’ve realized that’s not a smart way to live. Putting off important stuff until later just means I might not even get a chance to do it, and could end up regretting it.
We are social creatures, and we’ve all got a responsibility to take care of each other. That means I need to put effort into my relationships, not just my job. Finding balance is key to having a happy life. If I focus too much on one thing and ignore everything else, it’s like shooting myself in the foot.
So now, I try to do things that make me happy and help me grow, like playing music, meditating, exercising, and hanging out with my loved ones. These are the things that really feed my soul. And I’ve learned to be realistic about what I can handle and not put too much pressure on myself. It’s all about finding that sweet spot between planning for the future and enjoying the present moment.
And as for material stuff, I’ve learned to care less about impressing other people with fancy things. It’s more about what makes me happy than what looks good to others.
Rule #5. Accept That Everyone’s Life Journey Is Unique
“Your life is your own unique journey. Don’t compare it to others; embrace it, learn from it, and enjoy it. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.”
From a young age, my parents always compared me to my peers. It didn’t help that I have a sibling who seemed to have it all—good grades, a great job, financial stability, and a family of her own. I felt like I couldn’t measure up, and that made me doubt myself and feel really down.
It was tough breaking free from that mindset and accepting that everyone’s journey is different. I had to learn to be okay with not having the same things as others and embrace my imperfections. Sure, I might not be where I want to be financially or in my career, and I might not have a partner or a family yet. But that doesn’t mean I’m a failure.
Life is always changing, and I have the power to make changes too. Comparing myself to others or feeling sorry for myself won’t get me anywhere. Instead, I focus on what I can do to improve my situation. I’ve learned to be kinder to myself and not beat myself up over my failures.
A little healthy competition can be motivating, but it’s not about tearing others down to make myself feel better. It’s important to celebrate other people’s successes and be genuinely happy for them. After all, being envious or jealous only hurts me in the end. It’s all about finding contentment and peace within myself and moving forward with positivity. Do things at your own pace. Life is not a race.
Check out the Pinterest pins below for daily inspiration.
Rule #6. Avoid Assuming The Worst
“The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth.”
Don Miguel Ruiz
I have a habit of always thinking the worst in situations and in people. I tend to be pessimistic and often talk down to myself. I sometimes think that everyone is only out for themselves, especially when things get tough.
But I’ve come to realize that most people aren’t as bad as they might seem. Sometimes, things go wrong because of misunderstandings or miscommunications. It’s important to give others the benefit of the doubt and be kind.
Assuming the worst can really hold me back. It’s like I’m sabotaging myself and my confidence. I think it comes from wanting everything to be perfect and being afraid of messing up. But I’m learning that it’s okay to make mistakes and fail sometimes. That’s just part of life.
Instead of dwelling on my mistakes, I try to focus on what I can learn from them. Every setback is a chance to grow and get better. It’s not always easy, but I’m working on being more positive and giving myself the grace to mess up sometimes.
Rule #7. Be Impeccable With Your Word
“Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten. The power of spoken word can create or destroy. Choose wisely.”
I’ve always believed in practicing what I preach, in doing what I say I’ll do and following through. My parents were great role models for this—they always kept their word and followed through on their promises. But sometimes, I find myself tempted to go back on my word when it’s inconvenient or when things get tough. And especially when emotions are running high, I tend to say things that hurt others, things I regret later.
Reading Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements really drove home the importance of this. Being mindful about what you say and keeping your word isn’t just about being reliable—it’s also about building trust and respect with others. When I deliberate before saying something or say I’ll do something and then actually do it, it shows that my words bear weight and that I have integrity and strength of character.
So, I strive to be someone who sticks to their word, even when it’s hard. It’s a journey, but I know it’s worth it in the end.
Rule #8. Trust Must Be Earned
“Trust is earned when actions meet words.”
Chris Butler
I’ve learned how important it is not to just accept things without checking them out first. It’s crucial to question and think critically before making decisions. Trusting everything people say without thinking it through can lead to big problems later on.
Some folks aren’t meticulous or detail-oriented or might even have bad intentions, so you have to be cautious when dealing with them. Doing your own research is super important. You have to gather all the facts you can, take your time to think about them, and then come up with your own ideas and draw your own conclusions.
Sometimes, people misinterpret and pass on inaccurate or truncated information. That can make you believe stuff that isn’t true and make you do the wrong thing. So, it’s key to do your homework and not be lazy about it.
And remember, trust doesn’t just happen overnight. It takes time and consistency to build. Trusting strangers without being careful is just asking for trouble.
Rule #9. Own How You Feel And Don’t Be Afraid Of Expressing Them When Necessary
“Your emotions make you human. Even the unpleasant ones have a purpose. Don’t lock them away. If you ignore them, they just get louder and angrier.”
Sabaa Tahir
Lots of people feel scared to speak their minds or show their true feelings, especially if they’re worried about being judged or criticized. This can be tough, especially if the person you’re talking to has more power or authority than you, like a boss at work. I’ve been in this situation numerous times before, and it’s not easy.
While it’s important to be polite and respectful, you shouldn’t ignore your own feelings or let others disrespect you. Sometimes, you have to speak up, even if it might upset someone else.
It’s okay to feel scared or unsure sometimes. We’re all human, and nobody’s perfect. The important thing is how you deal with those feelings. Instead of keeping them bottled up inside, try to find healthy ways to express yourself. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel, and don’t be too hard on yourself for it.
Having the courage to be honest about your emotions is really important. It’s all about finding a safe space where you can be yourself and express yourself without fear.
Rule #10. Don’t Shy Away From Standing Up For Yourself When It Is Called For
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
Carl Jung
Many of us have been taught to avoid conflict and just go along with what others say, thinking it’s the key to success and a happy life. But blindly following others, even when it goes against what you believe in, won’t bring you happiness.
There will always be people in your life who take more than they give. And if you keep giving to these people, it can start to wear you down. That’s when you’ve have to stand up for yourself and say no. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.
Trying to please others all the time won’t make you happy either. You can’t live your life just to make other people like you or notice you. That’ll only lead to disappointment. It’s important to live life on your own terms and not let others walk all over you. You deserve better than that.
Rule #11. Happiness Comes From Within
“There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.”
Buddha
I had a big shift in my thinking when I realized that my happiness is in my own hands. It’s not something I can get externally or others can give me—it’s up to me to feel happy. So, I took charge of my own well-being and stopped relying on others to make me happy.
Importantly, I learned to lower my expectations of others, and not assume that they have a duty to make me happy. Instead, I focused on being responsible for my own actions and choices. Sure, I still get influenced by what’s happening around me, but knowing that I have the power to decide how I react to things is really empowering.
I also learned not to take things too seriously and to be more understanding of other people. Sometimes people act selfishly in the heat of the moment or because they’re looking out for themselves, not because they’re trying to hurt you. They are just mindless and not intentionally malicious.
I started focusing on what I can control and letting go of what I can’t. For example, it’s natural to want love and care from the people in my life. But what others are willing to give and do is not up to me. I have since learned not to take it personally especially during conflicts and refrained from imposing my expectations on them. Ultimately, it’s up to me to create my own happiness and find peace within myself.
“If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can’t buy.”
Rule #12. Have A Personal System For Organizing Your Life
“Ordinary people think merely of spending time. Great people think of using it.”
Keeping things organized is a big part of being a grown-up. It shows that you’re responsible and can handle things efficiently. Instead of just thinking about how much time you have, it’s important to use your time wisely on stuff that really matters.
I have my own system for keeping my mind, body, and digital stuff in order. It helps me avoid getting overwhelmed and stay focused on what’s important. Plus, it makes decision-making and problem-solving a lot easier.
I also have a self-care routine that’s part of my daily life. It helps me relax and recharge so I can stay balanced. Having a system to check in with myself and organize my thoughts and feelings is super helpful too. It gives me space to think things through and come up with solutions to any problems that come my way.
You may want to check out articles on my morning routine and on practical self-care tips to get inspired.
Check out the Pinterest pins below for more self-improvement ideas.
Design Your Space
“Your environment shapes your productivity.”
How we feel can be influenced a lot by our surroundings. So, when you’re trying to make those little shifts in your thinking, it helps to set up your environment to support you. Take some time to organize and spruce up your personal space. Whether it’s your office or your home, add things that make you happy, like a plant, your favorite mug, or even a fun mousepad. Get creative and make your space feel cozy and inviting. Having a space you enjoy being in can really lift your mood and make you feel better overall. Plus, it’s a great way to take care of yourself and promote your well-being.
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